H'oohoohoo

After spending 25 years posting art online, it's been one colossal failure. I can never break over 10-20 likes/RTs/anything and I've absolutely NOTHING to show for it.

At this point, especially as I'm reaching 40, I'm seriously considering quitting 2D art and moving on to something else. Maybe not art related, though I've been looking at sewing as a potential new hobby.

idk. I'm doomed to be stuck under the radar no matter what I do: I draw fan art, it's not popular stuff, like characters or ships. I draw original stuff, but people DGAF about it (despite crowing about how they want to support OCs more than fan art) because it's too weird or doesn't follow trends. I can't win. I give up.

Slowly -and I mean SLOWLY- recovering from intense, giga-levels of burnout. Not really just Warframe, but I think for creating things in general. It's still super slow going, but I don't think it's as bad as it was earlier. Still sucks, don't get me wrong, and I still stare at CSP like that Lisa Simpson meme sometimes, give or take.

At this point, I've resigned myself to the fact that despite all the best efforts, changing what I do (and how I do it) to please others/the masses/the algorithm, I'm always going to be stuck under the radar and getting next to no engagement on anything. I'd be lying if I said seeing numbers go up isn't a dopamine rush and motivator, because it is, but... eh. Eventually you just have to accept the fact this is where life put you and it's going to keep you there despite your best efforts. One of these days, the end result is going to change... maybe.

Though I think drawing Hot Rod helped some due to it being way out of my usual wheelhouse. Probably not something I'm inclined to do again anytime soon 'since the TF fan artist well is way overcrowded and I don't bring anything new to the table, so it'd be not worth the time/effort to do more. /shrug

But it was nice drawing like I did during my most productive years (2011-2013). I should do that more often. Maybe there's a cartoon from my childhood or a video game I haven't thought about in some time that could use some art. Always wanted to draw stuff from Legend of Dragoon, come to think of it.

Anyhow, putting my head down and focusing on "Love, Probably" (which I've been trying to space out certain stretches so I don't get burned out on that) and trying to figure out where to go from here.

There's nothing more saddening than having to tell someone you don't do fan art for a particular fandom anymore and haven't for several years now, especially when they're super excited to have found content they like is also rare.

At the same time, the horrible, cynical part of me wants to quote Professor Frink:

Which is petty as fuck, not going to argue there.

I can't help but feel kinda bitter when this happens, because my first knee-jerk reaction is to question and it dredges up ugly, terrible feelings that put me in a sour mood for the rest of the day. Like, you missed the boat by 4 years in this case. And now I have to deal with someone who may not react well when I tell them, politely, that I'm not doing this stuff anymore.

But... I know what it's like to come across content that you've never seen before or see very little of and having that feeling of excitement and joy. Went through it when I found some Green Lantern fics that never existed when I was hugely active in the fandom and was made fun of/iced out for being more of a fan of the aliens than the humans. So I shouldn't be too harsh.

Still, I ain't ever going back to the FF14 well. The Cid/Nero shippers and Gaius haters made it very clear to me that what I do wasn't wanted and I have zero desire to subject myself to that godforsaken fandom again.