H'oohoohoo

Posted this originally on Tumblr, but I've expanded it a little more and going into a bit more detail.

Last week-ish, I made a goofy drawing of Darvo and my Wisp in response to the news of Darvo finally getting a visual update after the Holdfasts did.

And uhhh... wow. Wasn't expecting the reception it got, however modest in comparison to other things out there. It did get me to thinking, which is pretty dangerous.

So, I think it's long overdue to finally get into the weeds about some things that've been an issue for the better part of the year if not the last year and a half.

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I've been fairly open about how I've felt doing Warframe material and art in general for the past year and a half now. Which is to say, unhappy.

At some point, it became clear to me that the kind of material I enjoyed doing wasn't what people wanted or cared for anymore. No one wants to see Duviri people, Darvo, or "legacy" NPCs anymore, apparently. Outside of a drawing of Marie earlier in the year, engagement on my art completely cratered after the 1999 update because now everyone wanted Protoframe content and little else besides.

So, one must adapt to the changing times or throw in the towel. As TennoCon was fast approaching, adapting seemed like the more prudent choice. It... wasn't the smartest choice. It was all done to appeal to the widest possible audience. I half-jokingly called it my "Late-Stage Warframe Fan Artist Era" because, well, it was true.

I even told people I wasn't going to draw any more content with Father and Titania (which became the majority of my output for a few years there) because I'd "run out of ideas"… and I was lying through my teeth. The truth is that I did -and still do- have plenty of ideas but because it wasn't getting engagement and whatnot, I gave up on it to try and appeal to the majority of the fanbase. Everything was intentionally done to please the widest possible audience but to be brutally honest, it was the digital equivalent of having to eat a food you're sick of and you wanna vomit the more you chew on it (or biting into spaghetti, tasting a hard, sand-like thing) thus killing your desire to eat the rest of it. You get the idea.

(The definition of late-stage: The term late-stage refers to a phase near the end of a process, product life cycle, medical condition, or business trajectory.)

And to be frank, I almost did quit the fandom and everything. Was \_this_ close to doing so.

It was around this time I'd fallen back into the Green Lantern mines after almost a decade of not thinking about the series. Will get into it someday (if ever), but I was heavily into GL for a 2 1/2 year period of a huge intensity. Was one of my more creatively prolific periods and half because I worked a part-time job that afforded me a lot of free time to faff about and create. But it was also during a time I was very mentally ill and to make a long story short, I left the GL fandom acrimoniously and the quality (or lackthereof) of the comics at the time hastened that choice.

I was in the drive-thru of a Dairy Queen in April, of all places and times of the year, when I randomly thought of an old GL fan lantern from that time and felt compelled to draw her. Then I thought of another fan lantern, and suddenly the floodgates opened and I was thinking about characters I loved again, which led to the long, ongoing process of catching up with over 10 years worth of comic runs... you get the idea. I think "Lanterns" kinda contributed to this, but the less said about that abortion of a series, the better.

Some kinda synapse went off in my brain that was like "Yanno, it's nice to draw things solely for myself", which led to "Love, Probably" happening, much to the disappointment of some. And that, I think, was a huge turning point in accepting that it's okay to draw things you like that no one else does or cares for. At some point, I realized I had fallen back in love with drawing again and that I actually enjoyed making comics more than I did illustrations and pin-ups.

Problem solved, eh? Eh, not quite. It's not easy to simply unlearn toxic mentalities overnight. Anyone who tells you that you can is full of shit. 25 years of continuous failure and trying to please people to make them like you and avoid conflict isn't something you just get over. While I did enjoy drawing Lanternshit (affectionate), everything else felt like a gigantic slog and not enjoyable.

After a drawing I did of Father Entrati and Titania with a new TennoGen signa bombed spectacularly across all the socmed platforms I'd posted it on (I think it got, like, <30 cumulatively on X, BSky, IG, and Tumblr), I had a massive nervous breakdown. To a point where I seriously considered quitting 2D art entirely. The picture itself is truly lost media: unless someone saved a copy, it's gone: PSD file and all. I didn't want to look at it anymore because it was a symbol of 25 years of failure.

Following my annual October retreat, the Devstream happened and they announced Darvo's makeover. To be honest, I almost didn't do the above drawing because I didn't think people cared about Darvo anymore. He hasn't been relevant in over 10 years and outside of a crappy Prime Gaming storyline, Darvo may as well be a non-entity. Hell, most players post-1999 hate him and only know him as the login bonus guy who gives crappy rewards.

Well, guess who had the last laugh in the end. (Hint, it wasn't me) It was nice to see that some people haven't forgotten Darvo. Kinda filled me with... well, I wouldn't say hope; more like happiness, I guess. Made it worth it, which is the first time I can say that about a drawing in a long, long time.

idk what's next. 6 years is a long time to be in a fandom, but perhaps the next phase -especially as I approach 40- is scaling back and focusing on the things that I'd like to do rather than what other people would prefer to see, I dunno.

All I know is that I'd like to redraw some old Warframe comics and see how things go from there, because comics are still more edifying than illustrations and pinups for me, tbbh.

RIP BioWare.

First, fuck EA, truly.

Second, this is awful news for a multitude of reasons. While BW was never the same after a lot of the heavy hitters left and EA ruining ME:A, it still breaks my heart to see this happen.

Mass Effect was a huge part of my life for a few years; co-ran an online community for it (protip: don't run a large LiveJournal community when you are mentally sick and unmedicated), made lots of hilariously terrible art and fic… it was basically my monofandom experience up until ME3, which I never finished and never will. Hell, I didn’t even mind Andromeda, flawed as it was. Can't remember a single thing about it but I don't remember it being as terrible as Gamers(TM) were saying it was.

Strictly IMHO, it might be for the best that the next ME game is cancelled seeing how certain other games turned out due to a pileup of changes, shakeups, and publisher meddling. Just have to look at DA:V and I'm like, yeah, probably for the best. Surprised EA didn't hand off the IP to Respawn or one of their subsidiaries though they're all saddled with Star Wars shit ATP. Don't count on EA selling off the IP either: they're gonna cling to it until the heat death of the universe and license it out to other developers/companies.

(I fear for a day when I wake up and find out that EA is letting BitBot do a Mass Effect comic continuation and/or a 2D sidescroller game through their shell company that made the RHPS game and LoK: Ascendance. IYKYK.)

That said, I loved ME and part of me still does, not to mention all the fond memories... but I burned myself out so hard and so bad that I couldn't even bring myself to buy the Legendary Edition.

Regardless, the whole thing absolutely sucks no matter which way you slice it.

Just… damn. RIP to one of the greats.